Guide to How Many Dates Before It's a Relationship 

Have you ever wondered how many dates it takes before you’re in a committed relationship? If you’re looking for a fixed number, you’re probably going to be disappointed. The answer is different for everyone, and your ideal number may be very different from your partner’s.

As the number one dating site for singles over fifty, many SilverSingles members have been out of the dating game for a while. A lot of us are a little rusty when it comes to having the “Are we in a relationship” talk, and that makes us nervous. Will she think I’m rushing things? Is he going to reject me? This article will help give you a much better idea of when to have the relationship talk and when you may have been just hanging out for a little too long.

The Average Dating Timeline

Whether you like to take things slow or move a little faster than others, your romantic relationships are going to go through stages. Here is how most relationships work.

• Phase 1: Awareness and Flirtation – This phase could last a moment, a day, or months. This is the period of time from when you acknowledge an attraction to the time you ask them out.
• Phase 2: The First Date – Going on a first date is more of an event than a phase, but it most cases, this is a make-or-break encounter. If it goes well, you get to move forward.
• Phase 3: Initial Dating – This can be three dates, or it could be 20. You’ll need to decide how long it takes you to get to know someone well. During this time, you’ll both decide whether you like each other enough to commit. If you’re ready, you need to ask yourself if your partner is. If you think you’re both ready, why not make it official?
• Phase 4: Relationship Achieved – Just because you’ve decided to be in a relationship does not mean that you have a perfect understanding of one another. Being in a relationship is work. You’ll need to discover your partner’s boundaries, expectations, needs, idiosyncrasies, etc.

Most new relationships are exclusive, but not necessarily. If you’re polyamorous, you need to have an entirely different discussion.

Factors that Can Influence Your Dating Timeline

There are many internal and external factors that can lengthen the time it takes to move from the first date to a full-blown relationship. Here are some items that could affect the timing:

• The Time From Their Last Relationship – People who have just ended a relationship tend to take longer before they want to get serious. If you move too quickly, you could end up being a rebound. Be patient with the other person. If they’re dating you but not ready to get serious, it may still be a good sign. After all, they didn’t reject you outright.
• Tragedy or Trauma – People who lose parents, have relatives with serious health conditions, or are dealing with an internal struggle may not be as quick to jump into a relationship. If you know them well enough to be in a relationship, you’re probably also aware of what’s going on in their life. It’s best not to have the relationship talk after a big, life-changing event.
• Children in the Home – Single parents and parents with shared custody are often more cautious about moving forward with a relationship. For one, they are trying to protect their children from meeting multiple partners and causing confusion. They may also be contending with a difficult ex. This may cause your date-to-relationship timeline to be extended.
• Travel or Location – Dating long-distance can give both parties a false sense of reality. When you’re together, you may experience euphoria. When you’re apart, you long to see one another. However, it may also give both persons pause to commit to someone who they can’t see frequently.
• Cultural, Religious, or Personal Differences – You may want to be with someone who has a very different religion, culture, or background than you do. That may even be a part of the reason that you’re attracted to them, but it may take a little longer for your partner to bridge the gap.

Communicating Readiness

You’ve put your time in, you believe that your partner is ready, and you definitely are too. How do you bring it up to them? Again, you need to tailor this to fit your burgeoning relationship. Here are a few tips for it to go smoothly.

• Make sure you have sufficient time to talk to them. Going out for a coffee or drink at a quiet place is a good option. That way, if the conversation doesn’t go how you wanted it to, you can part ways and regroup later.
• Watch for verbal and non-verbal cues. You can tell a lot from body language. If they lean in, smile, or display nervous excitement, it’s probably a good sign. If they’re furrowing their brow or using closed-off body language, it may not be going well.
• Take the Pressure Off – You can do this by making it a choice. Talk about your own desires for a commitment, but allow them an out. “I haven’t been seeing other people, and it’s not something that really interests me. What do you think about making this exclusive?”
• Don’t Make it an Ultimatum – Nothing will get you a “no” faster than an ultimatum. Make sure that they know the choice is between committing or going on the way it is for a while. That is if that’s acceptable to you.
• Be Prepared for Uncertainty – They may need more time to decide. You may be tempted to push, which is counter to your interests. If they say that they’re not ready or that they need more time, don’t feel rejected. You’re still in the game.

Assessing Compatibility

Few dating sites and apps get the importance of compatibility like SilverSingles does. Our matching algorithm uses multiple compatibility factors to match individuals who have a real chance at building relationships. Here’s how you can apply our principles to your romantic situation:

• Determine the things you must have in a partner, the aspects that are strong desires, and traits you can’t live with. Don’t focus too much on the physical. We’ll just assume that you like how your partner looks.
• Be honest with yourself about what you have to offer. You might be a successful business person, but you aren’t good at prioritizing your relationships. What can you change and what’s hardwired into your personality? If you absolutely can’t carve out a few weekends a month, you may not be a good match for someone who’s “addicted to travel.”
• Look to Mesh, Not to Match – A lot of folks believe that compatibility means finding a carbon copy of their personality. You don’t have to like all of the same things. You need to find a person who meshes with your personality. For instance, if you both like to cook, that’s great, but if you like to cook and your partner likes to eat, it can also work. You don’t pair a chicken dinner with chicken-flavored wine, do you? Seek a complementary partner.

When Mutual Interests Matter

That’s not to discount the importance of mutual interests. Have you ever heard the expression “Football Widow”? If you have mutual interests, you’re more likely to see dates and outings as opportunities for fun and excitement as opposed to days when you have to swap sacrifices.

Building Emotional Connections

Developing an emotional bond requires time, intimacy, and experiencing a wide variety of individual situations. That’s one of the reasons why you should use your first few dates as a mini-relationship trial. You don’t need a commitment for this or even to have your partner sign off on it. Just try to picture what it would be like to be in a relationship with the other person. Ask yourself these questions during this period:

• Are you enjoying your time with them?
• Do they seem to be enjoying their time with you?
• Are you at your best when you’re around them?
• Would you have to change a lot about yourself to make it work? Would they?

If you’re seeing green lights all around, you may be on your way to a relationship.

Meet Someone Worthwhile

If you’re over 50 or interested in dating someone over 50, give SilverSingles a try. Our matching algorithm is built to lead our members to successful relationships. You can download the app from Google Play or the App Store.