Getting a Divorce: 9 Signs it’s Time to Separate

No one wants to rush into getting a divorce. 

Chances are when you got married you imagined it would be forever, and the thought of it not working out never crossed your mind, but life happens.

Marriage is tough. People change and grow over time. Neither of you are the same people you were when you got married. 

There may be obvious signs that your marriage should end including infidelity, abusive behavior, or lack of love and respect, but there are many other signs that are a lot more subtle. 

Here are 9 signs it’s time to get a divorce. 

Getting a Divorce: 9 Telling Signs 

1. You can’t be yourself with them

Do you find you have to filter what you say and how you act around your spouse? Are you worried about being judged or rejected? Do they make you feel insecure?

If it feels like you can’t fully be yourself around your partner, this demonstrates that they have a lack of respect towards your opinions, interests, and beliefs. 

These things are key to maintaining a successful relationship and if they are absent from your partnership, it could be a sign you two should split.

2. Your partner is constantly criticizing you

Physical abuse is easy to spot, however, verbal abuse can be a lot more subtle. It can show up in your partner constantly criticizing you, hurting your feelings, and putting you down. 

This eventually leads to your self-worth and confidence depleting, which can have a huge negative impact on all areas of your life—your family and friends, your career, your personal goals, and your relationship with yourself. 

If you’re the one always being blamed for things and your partner is unable to take responsibility for their own actions, it’s a strong sign that this marriage is not functional.

3. Everything and everyone else comes first

Have you started a business that has recently taken over all your time and attention? Does your partner’s career come first ahead of you and your children? Are they always spending their free time with their friends instead of spending quality time with you?

For a marriage to work, it needs to be a priority for both partners, always.

Sure, it’s natural and healthy to have other responsibilities and commitments, but if your marriage is way down the list of your priorities then it could be time to think about getting a divorce.

4. There’s no “we” anymore

For a marriage to thrive it requires teamwork, and you have to be on the same team working towards a shared goal. 

If it feels like there’s no “we” anymore, and it’s always I, me, mine, or yours, then this could be an indicator that one or both of you have mentally uncoupled. 

So, pay attention to the words you think and use. They could reveal how you’re truly feeling. 

5. There’s a decrease in intimacy

Every couple will go through ups and downs when it comes to sex, especially if you have kids demanding a lot of your time and energy.

But if you’ve completely stopped having sex, there’s no communication about it, or there’s a total lack of interest in intimacy, this is a strong indicator that your marriage is not working. 

However, make sure you bring up the topic of intimacy with your partner before you call it quits. Who knows, maybe they feel the same way. 

If they do, you two could work on getting your spark back. 

6. One or both of you have stopped trying

Have either of you resigned from trying to resolve problems and make things work? Do you feel unmotivated to improve your relationship or catch yourself romanticizing single life? 

It’s not fair or realistic to expect one person to carry the marriage on their shoulders and make all the effort and compromise. It takes two. 

If one of you isn’t willing to participate and play their role, then getting a divorce may be the natural next step to take. 

7. Your body has a negative physical reaction to them

When you’re in the same room as your partner, do you find your heart racing, but not in a good way? 

If you feel stressed, find your stomach is in knots, or you’ve recently found yourself getting ill for no reason, this could be your body’s way of telling you you need to make a change. 

Your brain can lie to you and convince you things are okay when they’re not, but your body will always tell the truth. 

8. You can’t forgive them

It’s possible to move on from anything if you both want to. However, you have to actually want to move forward. 

Forgiving someone means that you’re willing to let it go and leave it in the past. 

But if you find you’re constantly obsessing over it, bringing it up in arguments, or holding it against your partner, this is a sign that you’re not able to forgive them. 

Chances are, your marriage won’t survive, and it’s time for a fresh start.

9. You’re wondering whether you should get a divorce

Perhaps the biggest sign you should be getting a divorce is that you’re constantly wondering whether you should or not.

Here’s the truth about confusion—it’s usually a lie. We tell ourselves we’re confused about what to do when we know in our hearts. But we’re afraid to admit the truth to ourselves because we know this means we’ll have to take action. 

So if you’re here wondering whether it’s time to get a divorce, it’s likely you already have your answer.

Getting a divorce, and processing the loneliness that comes after, isn’t easy. However, it can also mark the beginning of a new, exciting chapter.

If one or more of these signs resonated with you, it could be time to discuss the future of your marriage with your partner.