How to Build Trust in a New Relationship

SilverSingles is the top dating site for singles over 50 years old. And while our members have decades of life experience, there’s one area where our generation often falls short: trust. You don’t get to be fifty or older without experiencing a few breaches of trust, and this level of trust informs our every relationship. But a relationship without trust is on shaky grounds, so if you want to be involved with someone seriously, it’s important to develop this confidence in one another.

What Does Trust Mean in a Relationship?

If you ask 100 people for trust, you will receive 100 different responses. Each of us has our own definition of trust, but there are some commonalities that we all feel are important.

• Honesty – Most of us expect our partners to be honest, just as we want them to believe our words.
• Fidelity – When we’re in an exclusive relationship, we expect our partners to be faithful.
• Reliability – We expect our partners to do what they say they’re going to do.
• Respect – We all seem to believe that our partners should respect our feelings, boundaries, and decisions.

So, using the above qualities, trust means the understanding that our partners will be reliable, faithful, and truthful, and they’ll show us respect. And if we care about them, we will demonstrate the same traits.

Ways to Establish Trust in a Relationship

Trust can take years to build and can be destroyed with a single bad decision, but in a new relationship, how do you build trust? Here are some suggestions for newly-committed individuals.

Active Listening

One of the best ways that you can demonstrate that you’re a trustworthy partner is by showing them that you’re hearing their message. This lends itself to respect and reliability. If you can show them that you can follow what they’re saying and act upon it, they will begin to trust you more. Here are some active listening tips:

• Avoid interruption. Wait for your turn to speak.
• Use body language that indicates that you’re paying attention. This can be nods, eye contact, leaning forward, a reassuring touch, etc.
• Ask clarifying questions.
• Paraphrase what your partner said and repeat it back to them to show understanding.
• Act on what you’ve been told. Nothing demonstrates active listening more than taking an appropriate action or refraining from an undesirable one.

Express Feelings Clearly

Some people need to see that their partner is willing to open up before they can trust them with their feelings. Expressing feelings is difficult for some people — particularly if they’ve been involved in a relationship with an abuser or narcissist. If you have the ability to open up and discuss your feelings, it will go a long way to developing trust. If you’re unsure how to do this, practice.

Start with something small and voice your feelings when you’re not feeling emotional about it. If you’re worried about getting into an argument with a new partner, choose a positive feeling. “It made me feel good when you held the door open for me. Not everyone does that.” “I feel very lucky to be out with you tonight.” You can work up from there.

Navigating Relationship Conflicts

• The way you comport yourself during conflicts during the early stages of a relationship will have a large impact on trust. If you step out of line or cross boundaries, you could irreparably damage your burgeoning relationship. Here are a few things to keep in mind in a conflict:
  Determine whether the argument is necessary. If you’re not sure, ask yourself if you’ll feel that the matter is urgent 24 hours from now.
• Do not allow yourself to use profanity or aggressive language.
• This is important, especially for men: ensure that your body language is non-threatening. If you have to, keep your hands in your pockets to avoid appearing agitated.
• Monitor your tone and volume. Talk so that a person in the next room would have a difficult time hearing you.
• Consider taking a break if the conversation is getting contentious. If your partner asks for a little time, don’t argue. They may need to collect their thoughts.

By respecting your partner during your worst moments, they’ll trust you more at other times.

Setting Boundaries with your Partner

One of the most important steps you can take to establish trust is setting mutual boundaries and then respecting them. Many of the people who are single in their fifties and beyond have come out of challenging relationships that were marked by unpleasant experiences. They may have emerged thinking, “I’m never going to allow someone to talk to me like that again,” or “I will not put up with controlling behavior.” Here are some healthy boundaries that you can consider.

• No Pop-ins – Many people don’t like surprise visits, or they believe their partner is using a drop-in to assuage their suspicions. Set a “call first” rule and then respect it.
• Avoid Ultimatums – This means that you find a way to settle your disagreements without putting the entire relationship on the line.
• Open Dialogue – You’re able to ask one another questions about literally anything, but neither of you is required to answer.
• Establish a Dating Schedule – This is particularly important if one or both of the people in a relationship have children, responsibilities to elderly parents, or a busy work schedule. This lets both partners know when they can spend time together and when they can’t.

It’s important to note that boundaries are a two-way street. Both parties should be able to establish boundaries, and each person should respect the other’s rules. That doesn’t mean that you have to accept whatever is thrown at you. If you have a serious problem with a boundary, there may be room for compromise.

Tech and Trust

Modern technologies can present unique challenges when it comes to tech.

Dating Apps

Smartphone technology and social media have led to the downfall of many new relationships. It’s worth a conversation to discuss online behavior. For example, you’re seeing someone you met on SilverSingles. You’ve been on half a dozen dates, and you’ve unilaterally decided to suspend your account. Is it time to ask your partner the same?

Social Media Apps

We recognize that many people meet off of other social media apps, like Facebook, Instagram, X, etc. What are the expectations for communicating through social media apps? You should probably talk to your partner about how you will handle the random DM and what you would like them to do.

Random Texts and Calls

We’ve all been in a situation where a date or partner receives a message or call on their phone. In some cases, the call or text may even seem suspicious. Should you ask them about their messages? Should you randomly volunteer information about the messages you receive? You and your partner should come up with a plan for when it’s appropriate to inquire about texts and calls.

Responding to Calls and Messages From Your Partner

What’s a reasonable turnaround time for returning a routine phone call or text message? It really depends on what you and your partner agree on. If you do set up some sort of guidelines for returning calls, try to incorporate a little flexibility.

Reinforcing Trust Building

This advice may sound like a long list of rules and boundaries, but the rewards are significant. You can make trust-building a positive experience by showing appreciation for solid communication. Here are some ways that you can ensure that trust-building is a positive experience:

• If you have to discuss a trust issue, mention that you’re seeking a resolution, not a breakup.
• Reward honesty, even when the information is unpleasant. “Thank you for feeling that you could share that with me.”
• If you have a difficult talk, follow it up with a fun activity. For example, talk first and then go out to dinner afterward. Letting your partner know that you intend to keep your plans will put them at ease that the relationship is not on the line.

If you are single and believe that you’re ready for a relationship, try SilverSingles. You can sign up for a Basic program for free and unlock more features with an upgrade.e.