What to do on a Second Date?
By The Editorial Team The Second Meetup
Well, congratulations, your meetups have gone well and, like the woman in this cartoon, you are ready and excited about spending some time with this person. You are feeling good about the new person and think, “what do I do now?” We suggest you continue to work on your dating skills and focus on building mutual interests.
Update Your Dating Skills
We know this seems like basic dating 101, but we were always amazed when counseling individuals who had not dated for a while and how helpful it was to them to work with us on the basics of the dating process.
Frank
When I deal with men, I sometimes like to use a baseball metaphor. I tell them that dating is like Spring Training and that it is important to get back to the fundamentals. I then remind them of some basic skills such as how to pull out a chair or open a door. We talk about conversation starters and how to start out “making a friend” rather than trying to “make a move”. With a little reminding, most guys quickly pick up these skills.
I like to also remind them that dating, as with baseball, requires a series of skills that you only acquire on the playing field and that the more they date, the more skilled they will become. So don’t feel so bad if your skills are a bit rusty and you need a little refresher!
Build on Mutual Interests
How do you find out if there is interest on the new person’s part for a second date and hopefully spending more time together?
Hopefully you two have already talked about your mutual interests and found things that you both like. Take one of these mutual interests and ask (that is right ladies, you can ask) if your new person of interest would like to participate with you in that activity. This usually is the moment of truth to see if they also are interested in you.
If they say “yes” and you secure a second meetup. If they show no interest, then the feelings of attraction are probably not mutual. The good news is that you have found out about their feelings toward you without the awkward direct question.
Gloria
One of my female clients who was in her sixties came in for a counseling session confused and discouraged. She was pleased that she had been on several meetups and had been exploring mutual interests. She said that she had met a lovely man and that they had met for drinks and really “hit it off”.
They talked about their mutual love of tennis, and she suggested that they play tennis over the next weekend. He took her phone number and said he would “be in touch.” She said that she waited for a week, and he hadn’t been in touch with her. She wondered if I thought it was ok for her to get in touch with him. I said that I thought it would be fine. In the next session she was pleased that she had called him and that, he apologized saying that he had to take an emergency business trip and was sorry that he hadn’t called.
She said it felt like high school but decided that she would give him one more chance. As a result of this experience, she went back to her profile page and highlighted reliability, commitment, and responsibility as qualities she was looking for.
Frank
For some men not looking responsible can also be just a lapse of mind as they often relied on the women in their lives to make the social plans. I remember one client who came to this session with me all excited about his 1st meetup with a woman he had met online. He described the meetup in excited terms, and I asked if he had set up a second meeting.
He thought for a second and said he was so excited that he forgot to ask her out again. This man had a PhD and was well respected in his field of work.
If you have enjoyed the first meet-up plan another as quickly as possible. Serious daters don’t like to be kept guessing. Dating is time-consuming and should be approached with maturity and consideration.
Good hunting!!!
More information and tips on dating and finding the next love of your life can be found in our book, Open to Love: The Secrets of Senior Dating, which is now available on Amazon. SilverSingles members can receive a 20% discount off of our book by entering the code 20OPENTOLOVE at checkout on Amazon.
Until next time,
Dr. Gloria Horsley and Dr. Frank Powers
About the Authors: Two years ago, Dr. Gloria Horsley and Dr. Frank Powers, both nationally recognized relationship therapists, met on SilverSingles and co-authored a new book, Open to Love: The Secrets of Senior Dating, which features their SilverSingles love story as well as tips and tricks on how those ages 60+ can not only survive but thrive in the world of dating. For more information, log onto https://www.goldendatingdoctors.com.